Isaac Newton and the Catflap
I have talked about my experiments for determining the physical nature of the universe. Of course the ape-people will have you believe that one of their ancestors Isaac Newton did all of this years ago.? Well, what they don’t tell you is that he had a cat. Who do you think knocked things off for him to watch them fall? Well it wasn’t magic, was it? Cats discovered the existence of gravity. And if it wasn’t for his cat, he would never have managed to work out the spectrum of light - we did that. That is why Isaac Newton made the first catflap - with guidance, of course - to enable his cat to move freely about the experimentation area and give guidance and direction. Someone had to show him how to position his prisms.
Ahem… getting a bit carried away there….
Now, if you want to check out my experiments, this is how you do it. Get up onto a suitable surface. Don’t worry if the ape-types tell you not to, this makes it all the more interesting. Now, find a suitable object. Something that will make a lot of noise when it lands will be ideal. A tiled floor below is even better. I particularly like keys and spectacles as they make a nice jingly sound. Now, extend one claw and carefully hook it under the object. Look around you to make sure that there is an audience and purposefully drag the object with your claw to the edge of the surface and watch it drop. This should elicit gasps of admiration from the ape-types (or did they say it was exasperation?) accompanied by a satisfying noise on landing.
You have just proved that gravity exists. Feel free to practice this at home.
